“Why do I always feel guilty after buying something for myself?”
“Why does money make me anxious, even when I have enough?”
“Why do I save aggressively, but still feel unsafe?”
If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you’re not alone.
The way we think, spend, save, or even fear money as adults is often shaped long before we earn our first rupee.
It starts with what we saw, heard, and experienced as kids.
“Children are great observers, but poor interpreters.”
— Dr. Brad Klontz, Financial Psychologist
The House You Grew Up In Is Still Living Inside You
Think back to your childhood.
- Did you ever hear your parents fight over money?
- Were you told “we can’t afford that” — even for small things?
- Did you grow up seeing money as a source of pride, pain, or power?
These experiences plant deep-rooted beliefs that quietly steer your financial behavior today.
Real Stories. Familiar Feelings.
1. The Saver Who Can’t Spend
Rina, a 35-year-old software engineer, earns well and has ₹25L in FDs. But every time she spends on a holiday or buys something nice, she feels like she’s done something wrong.
Why? She grew up in a household where her father constantly reminded her:
“Don’t waste money. We don’t know what tomorrow holds.”
The result? Her adult brain is wired to associate spending with guilt.
2. The Spender Who Can’t Save
Nikhil, 29, lives paycheck to paycheck—even though he earns ₹75,000/month. He splurges on gadgets, food, and impulse buys.
His childhood lacked financial security. He grew up seeing his parents argue about bills and unpaid EMIs. Now, with financial freedom, he unconsciously overcompensates by enjoying what he never had.
“Money feels like freedom to me now. I don’t want to feel restricted again.”
Types of Childhood Money Beliefs (aka “Money Scripts”)
| Type | Core Belief | Adult Behavior |
|---|---|---|
| Money Avoidance | “Money is bad or dirty” | Avoids finances, doesn’t track expenses |
| Money Worship | “More money will fix everything” | Overworks, overspends, always stressed |
| Money Status | “My worth = my wealth” | Compares, upgrades lifestyle, needs approval |
| Money Vigilance | “Save everything. Be frugal” | Hoarding, risk-averse, rarely enjoys wealth |
According to a study by Klontz et al. (2011), people with negative money scripts are more likely to have lower net worth, more debt, and higher financial anxiety.
Indian Context: What We Grew Up Hearing
Growing up in middle-class Indian households, we were often told:
- “Lakshmi leaves if you spend too much.”
- “Don’t tell others how much we earn.”
- “We’ll buy that later—maybe next Diwali.”
- “Study hard so you can get a job and earn well.”
- “Invest in land. That’s safe. Don’t trust the market.”
These statements sound harmless. But repeated over years, they form your financial personality.
Signs That Your Childhood Money Habits Are Still Controlling You
- You feel guilty after spending, even on things you need
- You panic when your account balance dips, even slightly
- You avoid talking about money with your spouse or friends
- You overspend when stressed, bored, or lonely
- You save aggressively but never invest
- You fear looking at credit card statements
- You feel uneasy asking for a raise
So How Do You Break Free?
It’s not about blaming your parents. They did the best they could, with what they knew. The key is to become aware, and rewrite your own money story.
1. Identify Your “Money Script”
Write down what you heard about money growing up. Was it talked about or avoided? Was it seen as a tool, a reward, a burden, or something shameful?
2. Track Your Triggers
Notice your emotions when:
- You check your bank account
- You make a large purchase
- Someone brings up money
“Emotions are the gateway to understanding financial behavior.” — Suze Orman
3. Start a Money Journal
Each week, write:
- One money-related emotion you felt
- What caused it
- What belief it connects to from your past
4. Create a New, Empowered Narrative
Old: “I’m bad with money.”
New: “I’m learning to manage money better every day.”
Old: “Money causes fights.”
New: “Money can create peace when managed openly.”
Old: “Only rich people invest.”
New: “I deserve to grow my wealth too.”
5. Educate Yourself and Take Small Actions
- Read one personal finance blog per week
- Start a SIP, even if it’s just ₹500/month
- Have open money conversations
You Are Not Alone — And You Can Rewrite Your Story
In 2022, a CNBC survey found that 61% of adults said their financial anxiety stemmed from childhood experiences.
You’re not broken. You’re just reacting to old programming. And the good news is:
You’re not a child anymore. You can choose your path.
Final Thoughts
Money isn’t just numbers. It’s memory, emotion, identity, fear, and freedom—all rolled into one.
If you’ve struggled with spending, saving, or guilt around money, maybe it’s time to pause and look inward.
Not to blame the past—but to build a better future.
Because financial freedom isn’t just about having more—it’s about feeling free, finally, to use your money without fear.
